Aint it Funny…

Aint it funny how your emotional state can define how some people close to you treat you? How they deal with you, are there for you or celebrate you? It seems as if they are better capable of handling with your struggles than celebrating your happiness and growth?

All these challenges that I created for myself have taught me a great deal about myself. As a bonus it gave me some insight in how not everybody is there to see me progressing, actually winning. We all choose our own path in this journey called life. None is better than the other as we all are different and require different tools and thus shouldn’t compare. So the fact that I am not drinking alcohol for a whole year, eating only plant based food for a month, not buying any new clothes or shoes (with some exceptions) for a year, working on building up this healthy lifestyle with frequent exercise, does not mean my life is boring, it does not mean that I am doing it the wrong way or beig too extra. Nor does it mean that I am asking for your opinion for that matter. It just means that I, if any, would like your support, as I am working on being the best Me that I can be. I will admit, it might be somewhat different, unique, but it works for Me, and that’s all that counts.

I have learned that I am able of doing anything if I will only set my mind to it and put in the work. I know now how ridiculous my thoughts and feelings used to be, in thinking that everybody was better in anything, than I was. That I was a less likable person than anybody else. That the whole world had all these amazing qualities and abilities, except me. I am my own number 1 now, in priority and love. I am my biggest fan now, cause if I don’t believe in myself, if I don’t support myself, how can I ever expect anybody else to do so.

Sure there are some nuances, as I have also learned that I can be really tough on myself and occasionally have too high expectations of myself and people around me. So this is me venting, as my journey and challenges have given me some new knowledge. Some people are all ears when you are down and out. When you are not confident or happy with yourself and the life that you are living. But when you finally see the light, the seemingly sincere interest dissapears.

But you know what, Imma be Happy, Imma do Me. Imma push through, with or without and regardless of anyone’s opinion. Cause I am Blessed As I Am!

New Year, Same Me, Different Challenges.

In my last post I mentioned taking on new habits to better myself. My intention is to declutter my life, this in order to look and eventually find my full potential. Strip myself from all the stuff that keeps me away from focussing on what really matters to me. Learning to truly love myself, finding out what makes me happy and discover what I am capable of. It is going to be a real challenge, cause I gave myself 12 whole months to take on this quest.

First challenge is not consuming alcohol for a whole year. I have refrained from alcohol before. Longest was almost 3 months. Those 3 months helped me quit smoking. I haven’t smoked since May 2013, what a relieve that has been! This makes me only more curious to find out what 12 months might bring me. My starting date was 17th December 2015.

Secondly I wish to change up my studio apartment. Meaning…getting rid of a lot of stuff. I love the place and the location. It is just not that big and there might be a little hoarder inside of me…Besides junk I think I will be needing some day, I happen to have an extensive shoe, clothes and bag collection. Way more than one person needs to live a comfortable and creative fashionable life. So for the coming 12 months I will not buy any new clothes or shoes. To make this challenge a little more feasible, I may buy the usual staple items and occasional thrift gems. This one is going to be hard…

Last major challenge is me working on getting this amazing body of mine in a shape I know it will be even more amazing and happy. This means really getting my lifestyle and health in order. Fuelling my body the right way, giving it the proper exercise and the well deserved rest. While writing this I am devouring a big bag of candy…the struggle is yet again real!

I know I am asking quite a lot of myself. But I know the time is right. In order to achieve something I need to step outside my comfort zones. All these challenges will help me to really get out there, dig deeper and prosper. I won’t be able to hide behind the alcohol, shopping or food. It will all have to come from within. Might need to find new ways to spoil myself, feed my shopping hunger or craving for that numbing effect of alcohol and food.

I believe I can. In Love and Light