I Used to…

I USED TO…
Almost marking 90 days of sobriety.
There have been moments where I longed for that drink. That one glass to take the edge off. Or even that one zip to taste that gorgeous wine, funky G&T or refreshing beer. Some of these moments I desired that drink to celebrate, at times just to get away of it all, to destress or clear my mind. But I haven’t budged, not even for one drink or one zip! I did sniff on some, that I am guilty of…
What kept me strong all these days was knowing why I was doing it. I truly was keeping my eye on the price. Even if that prize at times seemed so unimportant or not worth it. I always had the choice: “do I drink now and enjoy that temporary feeling, the risk of taking it too far and waking up with that ever numbing hangover. Or do I say no to the temptation, keep a clear mind, enjoy the moment and my (own) company with my full senses and wake up the next day without any regrets or that damned hangover?” I always chose the latter. And I am grateful for that.

I have been sober for a long period of time before. But never with the awareness that I have now, never with the maturity that I have grown in, never with the self love that I have now mastered. I already was on a great journey of amazing self discoveries, self love and self acceptance. These 90 days have in addition taught me that I can be the best me that I can possibly be. That I have the power to steer my thoughts to empowerment and positivity, that I have the skills to grow and learn every waking moment. That I truly am worthy of self love, love and acceptance. And the best thing is that I am all this without the help of any substance. I used to think that I would feel better with alcohol, that I would enjoy an evening out more, that that steak surely tasted better with a certain wine. I thought that I would fit in more.

I am so happy that I know better now!
I don’t need alcohol or drugs to turn up. I am more than enough. Just the way I am, I am a strong woman, that has a lot to offer, a beautiful young woman that is blessed enough to know that no matter what my past has been, or how thankful I am with all that I have gained, Greater things await me!