While on a big mealprep as a ways to get back on track and using the momentum I just created over the previous week, I realized a few things concerning my transformational healing journey and personal growth journey.
For 1: having a plan B, is secretly keeping me stuck. Even if that plan B is: it is ok if I don’t succeed, or there is nothing wrong with settling for what is.
I had been going on about not feeling any urgency in regards of pursuing my desires and following through. Now I understand that because I told myself that it is ok if I don’t achieve what I truly desire, I wasn’t pushing myself anymore. I was in the state of: if it comes it comes, if not, it doesn’t. In and on itself not a bad thought, however, is it a thought that supports pro active change? Is it a thought that originates from fear for the unknown?
For 2: there is nothing to go back to. When you want something different for you life, you have to think different, feel different and act different. You basically have to be different.
This means that there is no “going back”. I think you have experienced this at least one time too: you find yourself in a place where you know you no longer want to be. You make changes and are on a roll. You may even feel celebratory. You feel on top of things and think: “ooh I can incorporate a few things I stopped doing”. You may over indulge in some food or an alcoholic beverage. You may stay up a little later, skip one gym session with the promise of going extra hard the next day….
“I feel good and strong…so why not?”.
Well exactly that’s why not! Those very things you decided to let go of, no longer think, feel and do, got you to feel the way you feel now. So guess what is going to happen when you go back to your old ways? Even if it is just 1 thing. You will be your “old” you, thinking those old thoughts, feeling the old feelings and having the old behavior. Just the thing you no longer wanted….right?
That one slip up may seem harmless. Yet I don’t know about you, because for me, if I have one foot in the door…fully opening it up to more of the “old stuff” that no longer serves can happen in the blink of an eye.
I have also come to realize that this is part of the journey. No journey, transformation, growth, whatever change you seek, is linear. So even if you decide to push yourself a little harder on this go, do so with grace and compassion.