A few months into my journey to healing, I thought I might share how it all has been so far.
A few months ago I was really in a dark place. I was literally done… I had expressed to some close friends that I was tired of fighting and that I felt as if there was just one way out… A dear friend managed to convince me to ask for professional help. And so I applied for help. Unfortunately there was a waiting list of at least 28 weeks in my home town. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through that time in one piece so I chose to seek help farther away from home, with the option of relocating once there was an open spot closer to home.
Therapy started. It felt as if I finally managed to grab that lifeline that would prevent me from drowning. For me therapy is like talking to someone familiar who is able to respond on a higher psychological manner and without any judgement. After having recaptured the how and why from my point of view, the first order of business was getting me off the couch and out of the house. Before we were even going to tackle the thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy, I needed to get out of isolation.
Now 1,5 months into therapy, I am slowly but surely more able to push myself and get out of the house. I am lucky to be surrounded by friends and family members who are truly stepping up and embracing this version of me and its needs. I, on the other hand am still struggling with what is going on and where this will lead to. I still don’t see or feel the point of it all. The purpose of me living. They say it takes time…so I guess I just have to be patient, keep on going and keep an open mind.