In May I finally decided to once again refrain from consuming alcoholic beverages. I had been going over this for months. Trying to figure out how my relationship with alcohol would continue.
As you might know, I have had my interesting experiences with this special component in different drinks and on different occasions. And here, I am using interesting in the most broad meaning possible.
I believe it was the end of 2015 that after again a very interesting experience with alcohol, that I decided that it was enough. Those demons that would arise when heavily intoxicated where becoming enemies in the most awful way. I ended up living the sober life for over a year and I have to admit, it was the best decision ever!
However, I did think that I needed that outlet that drinking that beautiful glass of wine or exotic cocktail gave me. So after that dry spell I started drinking again. Even though I knew that with my mental illnesses, it was best not to drink. Yet I thought that I could manage it and not miss use it as I formerly would.
And I did pretty well. I was so much more aware of what, when and why I was drinking alcohol. Nevertheless, I felt myself spending so much energy on controlling my use, trying to manage my mindset around drinking, those demons and possible hangovers, that I started to get tired. Tired of trying to make something work. Something that if we are honest, nobody really needs for basic survival, honestly…
So May 6th 2020 I had my last glasses of wine. And to this day, I have been happily sober. I do think about having a nice glass of wine or a “real” beer every now and then. But it never gets to be a need or screaming craving. The energy that I spend on telling myself that I do not really need it (and most definitely don’t need the hangovers), is so much less than trying to convince myself that I can have a healthy and carefree relationship with alcohol!
And if I really want a drink. I have myself a non alcoholic beer. The supermarkets and hospitality outlets nowadays have an amazing assortment of beers with 0% or up to 0,5% alcohol that taste amazing! For some 0,5% may not be considered to be a real alcohol free beer, for me it works! So cheers to the weekend!