Letter to My Suicidal Self

Dear Suicidal self,

I am writing this letter to you because I see you, I hear you and I feel you. I know life has been hard and I know that you have faced some unspeakable challenges.

Been in some dark places.

Experienced unnecessary evils. 

For years you have powered through, build yourself up in to this amazing being on a foundation that was destined to destroy you. 

I have heard you cry yourself to sleep a countless times. I have seen you go to extremes to find a way to rid the poisonous energy that you carried with you. An energy passed on to you by others as they tried to rid their own poison. 

I have heard you cry for help numerous times. Sometimes so loud it was deafening. Yet not one ear was able to translate your deepest desires to be loved in a way that quieted your fears. 

I have seen you embody the traits of a chameleon so you would blend in in any environment. Only to protect yourself from any lurking predators eying the Greatness that was you. 

I have felt you love so deeply and so pure and so raw that it never seemed the right way. That it always ended up being misunderstood and questioned. A type of love that paralyzed the receivers as they could not understand your actual need for worthiness.

I know

And I am writing this letter to you today to tell you that I Love You.

I know that you are tired. 

And I know that you feel that the only solution to end that angry pain is to end it all…

No more pain, no more questions, no more longing, no more questioning, no more doubting, no more unworthiness, no more abandonment, no more…

I am writing you this letter to let you know that I am so proud of you. I am so proud of the soul you have become. I am so proud of you for holding on. I am so proud of you for not giving up. I am so proud of you for finding ways to hold on just a little longer.

I am here now. 

I am here to let you know that I need you. 

I need you to keep that spark alive, that has kept you here. I need you to redirect all your energy into igniting that spark into a raging fire. 

I need you here to break that cycle of generational hurt.

I need you here, to be the proof that it can be done. I need you here to finally reep the fruits of all your hard labor. 

I need you here to celebrate your whole Greatness and dance to the music of your own heart like no one is watching.

You have my permission to unapologetically be who you want to be. 

I know that we have made it this far to soar through the limitless skies of joy and abundance and dive into the deepest depths of love and acceptance.

You deserve to see yourself

You deserve to hear yourself

You deserve to feel yourself

You deserve to voice yourself

You deserve to be witnessed as the truest and Highest Expression of yourself

The way you were created to…..

link to YouTube video

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