Wow, hello to you all! How have you been?
It has been such a long time, I just went back to look up when my last post was… beginning of May 2019! That is a good 8 months. And a lot has happened, a lot! And to be honest, I am now today, in my week of hibernation and isolation, so looking forward to share with you what exactly went down.
In this blogpost I will be giving an overal update. And in the coming posts I will elaborate more on the key subjects I find that are important for me now.
I have been on sick leave for I believe nearly 18 months now. I would have never thought that when I first got home that it would take this long to recover. The extent of this journey is way more, way deeper rooted then I could have ever imagined. To be fair, I learned that it was a build up of at least 35 years of pain, denial and ignoring. There is no quick fix for that long a negative input. So although this journey has been nothing but easy, I believe it is a transformational one, a very necessary one!
As you would have known I had been having my weekly therapy sessions and I even started doing some work. Not my regular work, but “low intensity” work so I would be able to put more structure in my life, get back to the swing of things and to be honest, get out more. Now my therapy has gone from weekly to biweekly. And I think we are on our way to rounding things up. So that is good news! On top of that I have been going to work more regularly and even switched positions to a place where I am more stimulated in various areas. I am moving around more, amongst a lot of people, sounds and visual stimuli. The first week was challenging, but I managed to get the hang of things and now in general I am doing well.
At home things are pretty well and stable. Surely in comparison. My diet has improved a lot. Cooking is something I got to enjoy again and something I use to help me get out of a funk. Working out and going on my walks are still areas where I could surely improve. More so when I am not feeling well. I have learned a lot about my condition and the mind in general through reading, YouTube and the different therapies I have gotten. The most important thing is that I understand that I have to change my thoughts, habits and routines in order to change my course of life. I cannot go back to the life as I knew it, that will be the death of me. This is the most certain thing that I know, if not the only.
Today, as I briefly mentioned in my intro, I am not doing my best. To be completely transparant, I haven’t left the house in 4 days. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. I feel paralyzed, numb. I know better, I know what I need to do, but I just cannot get myself to do the things that I know help me get back on track. There have been some changes, I have been working more, therapy is about to end. Besides that, at times I still feel lost and alone. So these could be some of the reasons why I feel the way I feel. Or is it because this Monday it was Blue Monday?
I am looking forward to getting back to writing more. I have enjoyed working on this post. For now, thank you for reading and Stay Blessed!