Sharing is Caring

Share your pain they say

Share the things that are troubling your mind

Trouble shared is trouble halved

But at times I rather keep it to myself and suffer in silence

I would rather crawl away

Cry in solitude and let all the thoughts that are poisoning my mind wash away with tears

And when I feel it is fit, I will crawl out of my lair and share what I can share

Cause you know what is even more paining

You can’t take away my pain

You can’t help me carry the weight that is on my shoulders

After I have shared you will lovingly try to comfort me with uplifting words and maybe even a hug

But what happens after that?

You will move on with your life

I will still be here

The pain will still be there

The sorrow will still be there

The tears will still come

Cause at the end of the day I am on my own in this struggle

This journey to healing, self love and acceptance

Cause after all is said and done

Who and what remains

Is me with my body mind and soul

Truth of the matter is sadly….you will never really know how I truly feel


Getting to know the Real Me

I truly feel Blessed that I am empowered enough to get to know myself. And that I dare to look and learn to embrace the good, bad and the ugly.

Taking on the Path to Self Knowledge is one of Freedom! There is in my eyes no Greater good than opening your Eyes and Arms to Yourself. And I am just learning to do so.

Learning how to Fully embrace myself, is Learning how to Truly Practice Self Love. And I feel so Blessed that I am giving myself the chance to look within. I am Proud of Me. And I am curious to get to know Me even more and to fully Complete Me.

There is this saying that states that the ones who you love and who in return love you the most are the ones who are capable of hurting you the most. This INCLUDES YOU! You Hurting Yourself. And I, a woman that has seen different types of Evil can say that I have been my own worst enemy!

I no longer wish to treat myself so poorly. So moving forward I will face my trails and tribulations, my highs and my lows with compassion, love and forgiveness.


Too Much!

A while ago I posted a few words on my Instagram . It was an expression of how I was feeling. Heck, it is an expression of how I have been feeling my whole life!

If I go back to when I was still a little girl, I remember always feeling different from everybody around me. Sure, I was this black girl who moved continents to live in this big strange white world. Aside from my own mother, no one looked like me. But that was not it. There was something deep down, something on a mental and emotional level.

Decades later, I still feel some sort of disconnect. As if I vibrate on a different frequency. On many different levels, people, close and distant alike, have found and told me that I make too much noise. That I can be rather intense whenever I choose to speak my mind. That I care too much, too long and too often. That I just should quiet down and let go.

But here’s the problem for me. If we choose to stay quiet about things that matter, how are we ever going to make that change? Me staying quiet about my sexual abuse was only beneficial to my abuser and his facilitators. Me staying quiet about my mental health only puts out an image that pleases the comfort level of others. Me staying quiet about injustice is me turning a blind eye. A blind eye to my true self.

This week I realized, in order for me to learn to love myself, I have to be free and willing to be myself. I am not for everybody, I am for Me