Where last week things were in an up, this week it is all tears, misery, doomsday, nauseating negativity and utter sadness.
The world seems so surreal. How is it possible or even allowed for a person to feel such overwhelming sadness, hopelessness and defeat.
I am well aware that this journey I chose to take on is one of many twists and turns and even more ups&downs. It is just that I wonder…when is it enough. Those dark days are really dark.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see nothing. An empty shell. I feel nothing, I register none. There is a figure, apparently female who has put on a massive amount of weight. Both on her shoulders and on her entire body. The skin on her face lost its glow, its vibrancy and smoothness. What rests is casket ready grayness with lumps and bumps, dark circles under her eyes, that reflect the deep depths of her depression.
And then that scary question arises: Will this ever end, Will I ever feel something other than sadness, How will it end…