I have been doing a lot better with dealing with this Kruella person. Getting rid of a lot of anger has helped keeping her dormant. But just a few weeks ago, without a clear warning, she reappeared. I won’t get into details. I don’t even remember what exactly happened. But it involved, disrespectful arguments and unspeakable deeds.
I am not ashamed, nor am I proud. It is a part of me, it makes me whole, makes me ME, completes me. But there is a time, when through the consumption of too much alcohol, I cross a line and Kruella comes out in full force. She acts as an instrument to channel my own hurts into negative energy as so to potentially hurt others and myself. At times that are loved ones, people I care deeply about. As this is a part of me, I can’t get rid of her. What I can do, is to choose to minimize her influence on my being. I can use her as a motivation for who I don’t want to be. Use the negative and destructive energy as a motivation to build a better ME. A more positive ME, a ME that wishes to inspire and spread love instead of hurt.
It is ok to have your Inner Kruella’s. What matters is how you choose to use them in your journey. What matters is that at the bottom of the equation you are happy with yourself and are accountable for all your actions and words. In order to do this I have chosen to refrain from consuming any alcohol for at least a year. This is not a new year’s resolution, I started a few weeks ago. Not only to keep Kruella away, but also to challenge myself. See what good can happen in a year. I will speak on this in a later post.
I have been away for a while, my apologies. Things just haven’t exactly worked out as I wished, as I did not put in the work… This journey is real and I am forever learning and getting better.
Talk to you soon. Happy New Year to you all, in Love and Light!