Month: January 2016

New Year, Same Me, Different Challenges.

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In my last post I mentioned taking on new habits to better myself. My intention is to declutter my life, this in order to look and eventually find my full potential. Strip myself from all the stuff that keeps me away from focussing on what really matters to me. Learning to truly love myself, finding out what makes me happy and discover what I am capable of. It is going to be a real challenge, cause I gave myself 12 whole months to take on this quest.

First challenge is not consuming alcohol for a whole year. I have refrained from alcohol before. Longest was almost 3 months. Those 3 months helped me quit smoking. I haven’t smoked since May 2013, what a relieve that has been! This makes me only more curious to find out what 12 months might bring me. My starting date was 17th December 2015.

Secondly I wish to change up my studio apartment. Meaning…getting rid of a lot of stuff. I love the place and the location. It is just not that big and there might be a little hoarder inside of me…Besides junk I think I will be needing some day, I happen to have an extensive shoe, clothes and bag collection. Way more than one person needs to live a comfortable and creative fashionable life. So for the coming 12 months I will not buy any new clothes or shoes. To make this challenge a little more feasible, I may buy the usual staple items and occasional thrift gems. This one is going to be hard…

Last major challenge is me working on getting this amazing body of mine in a shape I know it will be even more amazing and happy. This means really getting my lifestyle and health in order. Fuelling my body the right way, giving it the proper exercise and the well deserved rest. While writing this I am devouring a big bag of candy…the struggle is yet again real!

I know I am asking quite a lot of myself. But I know the time is right. In order to achieve something I need to step outside my comfort zones. All these challenges will help me to really get out there, dig deeper and prosper. I won’t be able to hide behind the alcohol, shopping or food. It will all have to come from within. Might need to find new ways to spoil myself, feed my shopping hunger or craving for that numbing effect of alcohol and food.

I believe I can. In Love and Light

My Inner Kruella

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I have been doing a lot better with dealing with this Kruella person. Getting rid of a lot of anger has helped keeping her dormant. But just a few weeks ago, without a clear warning, she reappeared. I won’t get into details. I don’t even remember what exactly happened. But it involved, disrespectful arguments and unspeakable deeds.

I am not ashamed, nor am I proud. It is a part of me, it makes me whole, makes me ME, completes me. But there is a time, when through the consumption of too much alcohol, I cross a line and Kruella comes out in full force. She acts as an instrument to channel my own hurts into negative energy as so to potentially hurt others and myself. At times that are loved ones, people I care deeply about. As this is a part of me, I can’t get rid of her. What I can do, is to choose to minimize her influence on my being. I can use her as a motivation for who I don’t want to be. Use the negative and destructive energy as a motivation to build a better ME. A more positive ME, a ME that wishes to inspire and spread love instead of hurt.

It is ok to have your Inner Kruella’s. What matters is how you choose to use them in your journey. What matters is that at the bottom of the equation you are happy with yourself and are accountable for all your actions and words. In order to do this I have chosen to refrain from consuming any alcohol for at least a year. This is not a new year’s resolution, I started a few weeks ago. Not only to keep Kruella away, but also to challenge myself. See what good can happen in a year. I will speak on this in a later post.

I have been away for a while, my apologies. Things just haven’t exactly worked out as I wished, as I did not put in the work… This journey is real and I am forever learning and getting better.

Talk to you soon. Happy New Year to you all, in Love and Light!