Crying, another one of those things I am all too familiar with. Every now and then these overwhelming sad emotions come over me. Not able to stop them or handle them in a controlled way, crying seems to be the only way to cope at that moment. And I count myself lucky for being able to cry and not seeing it as a weakness. The tears in a sense are the sad and negative feelings leaving my system. Like the pause button has been pushed and room is being made to think clearly, start letting go and think about the things that do make me happy. Concentrate on what is and giving myself the love that I deserve. This doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time, but it does happen. As the emotional person that I am, I can appreciate these teary moments.
I am no stranger to crying in my bed. But truly crying myself to sleep, is something that I cannot do. I always wondered how people do that. After having cried till there are no more tears, my eyes all puffy and red, a soar throat and a runny nose, I usually end up empty inside with a massive headache. So how do people do that falling asleep part while crying? I first have to feel ashamed for crying so dramatically and thinking that my whole situation is the end of the world. That there is nothing else to live for. After the shame, the smile and sometimes hysterical laughter may follow, laughing at myself for being that silly. Laughing at the empty negative thoughts that I allowed to take a hold of me. The calm in the end is what eventually makes me fall asleep, knowing that I have the ability to count my blessings and hope to see another day to do better and be better.