The Root of my Hurt

It all started when I was about 4 years old. This man came into my life. Meant to complete that picture of a traditional family. Be the figure to love me and guide me into building my personal foundation. Lovingly teach me about men and masculinity. Supposedly be the father I never really had…

Instead he chose to show his love and fulfill the fatherly role differently. From a dark place inside himself whether nature or nurture, he made a decision to feed his angry needs. Feeding on a little girl that was me. Depriving me of the positive, loving and constructive fuel that I needed for my base. The base that would be the core from where I could build on and fall back on whenever I faced hardships.

He chose to use my body, mind and soul for nearly a decade. He had his own way of tucking me in at night. As a bedtime story he would tell me how much he loved me, appreciated me and needed me. He would ask if I loved him too… Young as I was I thought this just had to be the way it works. Cause he was “daddy”, the loving father. Deep down I felt there was something wrong. Whenever he needed to nourish his angry needs, he would make it come across as a special moment we shared, a secret just for the two of us.

At the age of 13 I no longer wanted to be part of that secret that  was hurting me and leaving me empty of all the hopes&dreams, love and strength, guidance and protection.

Although I realize it only now while writing…this was the first time I outspokenly chose ME.

BlessedAsIAm

A forty years young African woman. Being the truest and highest expression of self is my daily goal.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Elske

    Lieve Kalay, een heel dikke zoen en knuffel voor jou!! XO Elske

  2. Geeke

    Speechless, breath just stopped for a minute. Just read this while my little bub, only 6 month old, is asleep in my arms…it makes people animals, aggressive beast, when hurting, abusing young children. Big respect for you lovely lady. Keep strong and keep your head up high. Nothing but love and hugs sending your way. X

  3. ellen

    Absolutely speechless and shocked… Loads of respect for you K… You’re a powerwoman! 👊

    1. BlessedAsIAm

      Thanx for taking the time to read it Ellen.☺️

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